– Alternate Reality –

Alright.. I’m back.

I’m totally struggling dude!

I keep falling back into the same hole over and over. I see someone I look up to and try to become them. I do this with the smallest things. For example, I saw a phone case Kristin Johns had and I wanted it, not because I liked it but because I see her with it and I subconsciously want to be like her. Now, don’t confuse my subconscious motive. There’s a difference between wanting to be like someone for the right reasons and wanting to be like someone for the wrong reasons.

When I see Kristin, I see a strong, stunning woman of God with a great marriage and a beautiful aesthetic and lifestyle. Obviously, when the motives are wrong you only take into account the good things in their life. When the motives are right you’d see that you want the strength she had to keep pushing after her accident, or the unwavering faith she has towards Jesus every day.

Maybe by becoming her weird shadow, like the movie Us, by buying the same phone case or stealing her aesthetic, my brain thinks I will have her strength and faith as well? I don’t even know, but I literally caught myself looking through her Instagram and searching for things she owned, like some weird psyco fan, and I got a bad taste in my mouth about what I was doing. When I noticed this, I thought to myself, “God made me, me for a reason.. why would I diminish that by trying to turn myself into someone else.” It could be that my life at the moment is so full of insecurities and unknowns that I look for an escape. By becoming someone I’m not, I can temporarily live their internet life. The perfect life that has no issues. A life that’s predictable, and that I’m certain I’ll be happy in without a doubt in my mind.

But that’s the problem. Imagine living a predictable life. Every day you know what will happen at the exact time it comes. Wake up, brush teeth, eat eggs, go to work, come home, sleep. Next day.. Wake up, brush teeth, eat eggs, go to work, come home, sleep. It’s like the movie groundhog day, it’s the same cycle day after day, and living a dream life isn’t all perfect either, it could also be a trap.

Did you ever watch the movie, Coraline? I H A T E D that movie, it’s so creepy and I only ever really watch it in October because it’s just so unsettling. But anyway, do you remember when her family had just moved into their massive house that was split by three tenants? Coraline was so bored because her neighbors Wybie, Mr. Bobinsky, and the old twins were so weird that she avoided them and her parents were so busy that they couldn’t give her any attention. Also because they just moved, their meals, pretty much, consisted of boring, grey, tasteless muck. Just keep reading it gets good, trust me.

Well her dad had told her to walk around the house and find anything that needing repairing to keep her busy. As she’s walking around, counting, and writing down everything that needed to be fixed on a notepad, she came across a tiny door. She asked her mom if there were any keys lying around and her mom went to a drawer that had the skeleton key that fit the lock to the tiny door. When her mom opened it, there was a brick wall sealing away what was on the other side. Such a letdown! However, Coraline’s curiosity literally opened the door to the enemy. Prepare yourself, this might be a long post…

When the enemy starts to slowly creep into her real-life to lure her into an alternate dream life, Coraline gets completely sucked into the enemy’s hole. She didn’t realize it at first, but through the delicious food that button-eyed mama prepared, and the happy-go-lucky jolly papa that was actually able to write music, unlike her dad with a composer’s block, this life was a physical trap. Throughout her journey in this alternate reality, she started to noticed something off about the other mother when other entities tried to warn her about what she’s getting herself into. They also insisted that she try to save the kids that button-eyed mama eye-napped. Well, there’s a lot more to this story but Coraline ends up saving everyone and taking down Button-eyed mama.

Coraline wanted a new life and she took the route that led her to crash instead of living the life God gave her with a purpose. Instead of dealing with her boredom, she looked for any escape she could find, even if it meant losing the real family that actually loved her and being trapped in that sort of hell forever. I was subconsciously doing this by trying to be like Kristin. I tried youtube and I ended up feeling unaccomplished and discouraged, I tried to dress/accessorize like her and it made me lose a part of who I am, like my sense of fashion, because I wanted to be like her instead of embracing how God wired me. Instead of searching for my purpose through Jesus I, essentailly, tried to steal and copyright somone else’s God given purpose because mine was uncertain. I wanted certainty and I searched high and low until I eventually fell into the hole of the enemy just like Coraline.

Moreover, this story may not have a Christian, between-the-lines purpose but this story totally has a ton of different, between-the-linesman appliable lessons that can be interpreted for Christians. Coraline hated her life, she was bored and wanted to live a better one. When the enemy’s door was open, it took the opportunity without even a split-second of hesitation. When she realized it, she had to escape, and the people around her helped. This is the life of a Christian. When a Christian realizes that they’re being attacked, they fight against the enemy with the community around them, and bring whoever they can back to Jesus. Then, the Christian runs to Him in relief that they’re welcomed back with open arms. The enemy is totally attacking me right now and every time I feel it, I always run as fast as I can to write about it. I want to create a Christian safe-space where I can be honest about my struggles to allow other people to know that they are not the only people that deal with these things. I’m always open to talking about anything you need! Don’t ever hesistate to DM me on Instagram when you need a friend. I could totally be the Wybie to your Coraline! – A